I'll Close my Eyes
by Luna Tiarra
Summary: A short story about abuse, Usagi's emotions, and how she deals with the harsh reality.


I'll Close my Eyes  
Author: Luna Tiarra  
-Heya! This is another poem fic. It's about Mamoru abusing Usagi and how she takes it. Really sad if you ask me.   
  
  
I'll close my eyes when the sun sets  
When the shadows conceal my tears  
I'll dip my hair in the moonlight  
And let it turn a shade of pale  
  
Usagi closed her eyes tightly against the light. He was coming again. The hall light stung her eyes and she hid from the offending rays, wrapping herself tightly in blankets. She could hear his footsteps coming slowly toward her room. She heard the bumps as he drunkenly ran into the wall and dragged his shoulder across it. Her door was open and she saw his looming figure, demented by the alcohol's influence. His hair fell limply into his foggy eyes and he smiled impishly at her. He seemed as an eager child, impatient and impish in his way of appearance. Usagi shivered as he approached. How could she have let this man be her lover? He had no feelings now, not when he was so intoxicated he could not recall her very name. But she had to let him in now…to refuse him would only make him angry.   
  
I'll close my eyes when daylight breaks  
So the sun can't burn my eyes  
  
She watched him drop his garments as he made his way toward her. She smelled the ale and whiskey, felt the damp surface of his skin as he reached for her. She clamped her eyes closed, hiding from the image that stained her mind. She felt his hands rip away the sheets and grab her. She tasted the alcohol as he roughly kissed her. His mumbled jumble of words made no sense as he dragged her toward him. She whimpered pitifully but he didn't hear her.   
  
I'll close my eyes and let you in  
So I can't see your approaching sin  
So I won't know when you reach for me  
And then I won't feel it as much…  
  
He was hurting her again. Taking away every last bit of innocence that she held dear. He had ripped her thin nightgown and it lay in shreds not far from the bed. The bed that was supposed to be a place of love. Usagi's eyes remained closed as she cried out for him to stop. He forced himself into her and over and over again she felt herself grow weaker from the tight grip he had on her. He was not gentle. He was never gentle. She fought him as much as she could, but the hopeless struggle ended quickly and she hated how easily she gave in. Tears mingled with sweat as she finally let go of the small hope she'd been holding onto. The hope that maybe he wouldn't do this again. Maybe he wouldn't hurt her any more.   
  
I'll close my eyes when the sky falls down  
When the darkness consumes the light  
I'll let it rain hard on my soul  
  
Usagi watched the blackness behind her lids as she heard his hoarse breath begin to weaken. He was tired. Finally. She felt him drop her onto the bed and she curled into a tight little ball, rocking her naked form and crying into her knees.   
"Usako…" he slurred. "That was really fun." He giggled in that drunken tone she had grown to dread and hate. "We'll have to," he fell onto the bed beside her. "Do it again," his eyes drooped and his head lolled to the side. "Sometime." Snores were soon to follow. Usagi continued to cry. She shook her head over and over again, trying to rationalize his treatment. It was hopeless.   
  
I'll close my eyes to hide from you  
But it helps to see your face  
When I feel like almost giving in  
I'll search for a better place  
  
She stared at his face for a long moment. He looked so peaceful, so gentle in this moment. But she could still feel his harsh hands. She saw the outlines of purple forming on her delicate skin. She hated him for this. She let tears fall soundlessly from her eyes. How could she take this? She had done nothing to deserve this. Had she ever hurt him? Ever made him cry? No. But now she somehow felt as if it was her own fault. She felt the guilt swell within her. But it was not guilt for him, guilt for having wronged him in any way. It was guilt for staying here. For putting herself through what she knew was wrong. She shook her head and closed her eyes again. She knew she couldn't change him. She knew that a long time ago. But it comforted her somehow to think of tomorrow. Tomorrow he wouldn't remember, but he would see her lying next to him, broken and bruised. He would know what he'd done. And he would be so full of regret and guilt. So she fell asleep, dreaming of a time when she would be free from this torment. Free from this pain. And she closed her eyes.   
  
I'll close my eyes to bring myself peace  
To comfort me when it's over  
I'll close my eyes and let it go  
Let myself fall in your grace  
So when I open my eyes…  
I won't see you anymore  
  
The end 


End file.
